day 4

Spoke to social worker about my case and he gave me the worse case scenario is I'll be told to go back to Toronto which is worse because i've been back to Singapore only close to 4 weeks and it can't be that soon to return failing, it feels so disappointing and discouraging, but the answer isn't a clear No as he'll speak with them first and get back tomorrow with the outcome. Had 5 visitors today!!! Since I'm a rare case scenario the word spreads around the hospital so I am examined by tons of doctors and medical students... my new friends while staying here. I've always trusted God for every season of my life(Proverbs 3:5,6 is my theme since primary and secondary school) and God has always proved to have made a way where there seems to be no way, but this journey is nothing like I ever trusted God for. I suppose it's a building on my faith in Him and I'm learn from God each day through His Spirit and Word. I know His promises are true and sometimes God's way isn't our way but the outcome will be good. Here's some promises regarding this move back: Revelation 3:8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. Psalm 46:1 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” John 9:2,3 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Judges 6:14 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 9:3 But be assured today that the Lord your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire. He will destroy them; he will subdue them before you. And you will drive them out and annihilate them quickly, as the Lord has promised you. I know this probably is not good writing but it expresses what I want to say. Thank God for everyone in the healthcare sector, this stay at the hospital open my mind and heart to everyone helping their patients with their strength knowledge and compassion. These people are the unsung heroes with seldom appreciation but i'm thankful for everyone of them. In His time,He makes all things beautiful... I pray it'll be sooner rather than later...God is good!! :)

day 3 in hospital

In someway I'm glad this blog is still alive especially when since I'm stuck in hospital(this is my first time ever being warded) at day 3, I'm 100% healthy (it breaks my heart to see the condition the other patients are in, it gives me a deeper appreciation of my health) but I'm warded for social services assessments for subsidised accommodation in Singapore. it's been hard through this journey moving back to Singapore. It's feels so emotional low of the lowest point while being alone in this journey, but God in His mercy has always provided enough each day with His grace. Living day to day has taught me the cost of taking up your cross daily(Luke 9:23) to follow Him by surrendering All and to cast may cares on Him because He really really cares for you(Psalm 55:2), even the insignificant ones. It's been the longest month so far going through each day not know what the day may hold. I don't wish for anyone to go through what I'm experiencing with so much negativity and all the 'no's from trying, but at least I'm trying rather than not trying, right. I know I'm not in the best position the world thinks i should be in for being here, I moved back to Singapore alone, with no accommodation and with a physical condition, but I do like to tryout stuff(Phil 4:13), have a determined spirit(but i do consider the approach first), and importantly I've got a living God inside me that never fails on His words and promises. It's so so hard to keep my head up in this situation and it feels like others are getting higher(well establish) in their phase of life while I haven't gotten my basics met yet(God knows right). I would write more but the ward has turned off the main lights and the other patients are sound asleep, but the only one sitting and typing this out. The Joy of the Lord is my strength! God is good! :) This song really speaks my heart...